This week I enter into the third trimester, and as my tummy is growing, so is my anxiety. And, YES, I know, everyone will say “don’t be anxious, there is nothing to worry about… don’t stress, it’s bad for the baby”. But how can one not feel anxious, when you’re about to bring a whole person into this world in less than 85 days. I have previously blogged about my stay in “Denial-ville”, and as much as I am still coming to terms, I am reminded with every kick by the tiny body in my tummy, that pretty soon, I will be responsible for a whole human being, and that… that is scary!
Recently, I have been feeling annoyed with most people. Understandably, there is a lot of people who have advice regarding pregnancy, labour and child-rearing. It is also nice to hear some stories, and I also find myself only having baby things to talk about with others. The baby talk is inevitable though as it has become more than apparent that I have a treasure chest under my shirt. with this though, it is annoying that many people cannot really relate to how I am feeling, and I find myself wanting to explain myself to get that understanding, but we all know that once someone has made their mind up about something, there is no point in trying to change it.
I honestly feel like during such a sensitive time of pregnancy and the planning of your families future, it can be hard to articulate your feelings and express your plans without feeling judged by those around you, especially if they have been through it already. With this body that I’ve had for 26 years, I have become comfortable and I (hope) I know what goes on with it, but recently, it has been betraying me. Pregnancy is really such an adjustment especially physically. I mean, I will opening admit that I know I have not been the healthiest or the fittest, but nothing will make you feel worse about your body than a walking, attending your favourite shopping mall and having to sit down to rest after visiting 3 stores. I have even been getting the look of pity because I’ve now started waddling with a little hint of a limp that I have from sitting, standing, walking or anything-ing too long. And don’t even get me started on the heartburn and indigestion from hell!
During my first and second trimester, I would say, I have had it kinda easy; no morning sickness, random ailments, absurd food cravings or other common pregnancy symptoms – my husband was probably more excited about this than I was. Then coming into the third trimester, I can definitely feel the changes much more than I could before. This baby is getting heavy, he is chilling up against my bladder, holding onto my lungs as balloons and gets so excited while I’m eating, he makes it hard for me to finish a meal. Now, I’ve learnt that in a conversation, one should not think that one can bring up these items that are ailing you, as you will not find much sympathy or support, but rather find yourself in a competition you never signed up for because they have had way worse experiences than what you’ve had, thus making you feel like your qualms are invalid. What ever happened to talking, listening and trying to see from another perspective instead of having to make comments about how their this was worse or better, and maybe even offering some helpful advise. It is also not that I need my ailments validated, but you asked how I was feeling, how I am doing or how the pregnancy is treating me so far, you didn’t invite me to the Olympics of pregnancy symptoms.
Then there is the issue of future plans, how you will be setting up your home to accommodate the little one and what your plans for child-rearing are. With any of these topics, many people will never agree. But If you are interesting in hearing what someones idea’s are, don’t tell them they are wrong if you disagree with their thoughts on the subject, especially during such a vulnerable time. I too am guilty of disagreeing with people during certain topics of discussion, but when it comes to baby planning – we all have our views, and I will listen and consider what you’re telling me and maybe then disagree with you in my mind. Some might think that you are being foolish by having these lavish plans, or that you are being too basic when keeping it simple, but at the end of the day, if it works for that person, then it was right for them.
As an almost parent, I have so much on my mind generally… Trying to keep my life together during the last trimester, getting through my day job so that I still have an income, being responsible with my finances so that I can afford diapers and baby food when the baby arrives, keeping myself healthy and in a good state of mind, etc… It is such a heavy load to carry (physically and mentally), trying to please those around me cannot be something that weighs on my mind too. And to be honest I haven’t even gotten this “being an adult” thing down to an art yet. I haven’t even gotten to do any of the home tasks that I had set-out for completion in the December holidays (you know, it was all about ke’Dezemba boss). The one good thing about the holidays though, I was able to explore and enjoy my home town (Port Elizabeth), as well visit some family and friends that I haven’t seen in a while, I was even surprised with a 2 mini-baby showers. It was super cute, it is really amazing to feel all the love and support.
Hopefully, my next post will be how I’ve progressed in getting a space ready for the baby, but don’t hold me to it as I already forgot to post about my Christmas lunch menu that had me in the kitchen for almost 2 days, but it was definitely worth the effort!
#imgoingtobeamother #imhavingababy #imhavingaboy #levelup